Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
