C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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