She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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