I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
