just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
