Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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