dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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