I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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