I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
