I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
