How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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