when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
