Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize