dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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