in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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