I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
