one two three fourrrrnication!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
