So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
