I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
