i was born a porn star she said
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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