we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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