Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
