you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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