Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
