my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
