I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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