my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
