apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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