I don't think brook has ever known best
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
