Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
