Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
