She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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