In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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