i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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