if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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