I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
