I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
