Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
