yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
