he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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