i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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