he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
