the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize