She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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