Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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