Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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