Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
