We're facebook friends in real life
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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