They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
