Already got asked if we're dating
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
