True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
