What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
