who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
