Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
