she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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