could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
