I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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