I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
