yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy