half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
