I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my vagina is haunted
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!