i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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