Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.