Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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