ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
