can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
