The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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