so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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