Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
