he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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