You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
