If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
