Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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