i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
