LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
