You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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