I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
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This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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