my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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