Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
