Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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