My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
